Six whole years!

Well, today's the big day! I dread it every year because it brings back so many memories. Today marks six whole years since my mom has passed away. I try to be the adult and say that everything happens for a reason, just like mom did, but I still have so many questions. I know that one day I'll get to see her again, and all my questions won't matter anymore, but until then they linger on.

About an hour ago I started going through all my picture albums and scanned as many as I could find. If I would have planned this better, I would have gone to dad's and gone through all mom's albums to find more of her before her sickness. A lot of the pictures are hard to look at. You can see the disease taking over her body. It was a long drawn out process, and I gained so much respect for her with all that she went through. I only wish that I wouldn't have been such a stubborn teenager and gotten closer to her sooner. Don't get me wrong, we were a very close family, but I was a rebel like most teens become.

I am going to try and post all the pictures in chronological order, but it may not be exact.

Mom being her goofy self!

Marlene, Robin and Mom

Ryan, Mom and I

I love this picture. There is so much innocence that goes unspoken!

Mom, Ryan and I on my bed.


She used to play with us all the time, and I would do anything for her to get the chance to play with her grand kids. Ryan, I hope that I can fill that void with your kids!

Me, Ryan and Mom

Our family vacations used to be in Louisiana while we visited dad's family. If I'm not mistaken, this was taken in Lake Charles!

Dad, Me and Mom

This was taken after Seniors night while I played soccer at Cooper. I made them a special Mom and Dad picture collage as a token of all the support they had given me. It is still hanging up in dad's bedroom!

Dad, Me and Mom

This is the typical birthday picture at our house, although I don't see any candles on the cake to tell who's birthday it was.

Mom and Rylee (one month old)

Here's the big jump in years. You can tell by mom's arms that Lou Gehrig's has moved it's way up the body. She wanted to do so much with Rylee, but was limited to holding her. I remember mom trying to change Rylee's diaper one time. She got so frustrated, and teared up.

Mom, MiMi, Rylee and I

Poor mom, this was taken after I caught her starting the van with a wrench. I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone, but I had to. I cried and cried when I caught her at the office. After that, dad and I took turns taking and picking her up from work, just like you would a teenage. Gretchen and Slim, I can't thank you enough for allowing her to continue working at the office. I'm not sure that she did a whole lot, but her pride and self-confidence were held high. To this day, I can still go in mom's office and her drawer opens. When she couldn't use her fingers anymore to open the file drawer, she rigged it so that she could barely touch it and it would open. It can be closed when I get there, and as soon as I walk in her office, it opens. I laugh or cry, depending on my mood, and then tell her hello and I love you. I know it sounds crazy, but Linda can vouch for me.
That white thing on mom's shorts is her feeding tub wrap. We fed her everything we could in that tube to try and beef her up, Manatech, Power 5000(or somthing like that), her 20+ pills a day, but all she wanted was Fired Chicken and a bowl of beans from Taco Bueno!

Here's another one of mom and Rylee!

This chair is so symbolic, and we still have it at the storage building. Mom always loved to rock. I can remember my dad getting so mad because mom wouldn't sit still. If she was sitting down, her legs were crossed while one foot was kicking. However, as ALS progressed, mom was bound the this chair. It's where she watched tv, slept, ate, showered, peed. We even had to borrow a limestone rock from Robin to keep the pedestal from sliding out from under her. By the way, we still have the rock in the back yard! Rylee and Cutter know that it's Oma's rock!


This picture was taken at James and Deborah's while they still lived in Round Rock. This is the first time mom had fallen in my presense.She was going into the bathroom and Deborah saw her had to help her up. Just another sign that the terrible Lou Geherigs Disease was progressing.

Mom and her two babies!
Ryan, she loves you so much, and was SO proud of all your accomplishments!



Mom loved to kiss Rylee and this time Rylee got her back!

My dad's brother James, and his wife Deborah, came down to visit in November 0f 2002. You can see all the muscle mass in mom's collar bone area disintegrating. James and Deborah really helped Ryan and I get through this whole process along with so many others. They came to visit numerous times, and brought their trailer down and parked it at the hospital so that we could go there and get a break. Gretchen and Slim, you're a life saver too. We couldn't have made it so far without your help! We were/are so lucky to have such a great family! Thanks to each and every one of you!

Mom is trying her best to hold Roo. This was during the part of her life where she lost her neck muscles and no longer had control of her mouth. Her jaw constantly locked down and in the process bit her tounge. We would have to pry it open so that she wouldn't suffocate. We even had an asperator machine to help get the fluid out of her mouth.

This was our last Christmas together! It's so hard to look at this because I wonder what my life would be like if she were still here with us. I have so many questions to ask her, so many stories that I want to hear, and so many hugs to give! There is now a special angel that hangs on the Christmas tree so that she is still there with us.

These are dad's cousins from Louisiana that we used to go visit. Chuck, Sister, their grandson Bud, Dad and Mom. Mom and Sister were very close. I remember them swapping receipes every chance they had. It was so nice of them to come and visit.


This was her last Mother's Day! It wasn't a good day for her, and I can remember it like it was yesterday! Her face is so hard to look at in this picture. You can see all the pain and agonoy that was running through her head. Supposedly, she wasn't in pain, but her functions and brain were as they were locked up. She couldn't hold her head up any longer, thus the reason her chin is so far down. Just another muscle that lost the battle.

Ryan, mom loved you so much! You are all she would talk about when you weren't there. She wondered how your classes were going, and if were meeting new friends, or maybe even a girlfriend! Until you have a child of your own, you'll never know how much she loves you! Until then, I'm the only the only girl that loves you ALL the way around the world!

Ryan making mom smile! She would smile as soon as she heard the door open! She knew you were on your way in, and that her baby was coming home.

This was at my wedding shower at Robin and Jeffie's! They also helped a huge deal when it came to mom's illness. They were gracious enough to let her stay with them for a week at a time so that dad and I could get some rest and clean the house. Mom died 17 days after Justin and I got married. She held on as long as she could. She just got tired!

This is the morning of June 4th, 2003! Rylee and I went to the hospital at 7am to relieve dad of his night duty. We walked in, I hugged mom and told her I loved her, she opened her eyes, smiled, and fell asleep. She never woke up again. Typing this brings me back to the exact moment. I can remember everything. James and Deborah were there with the trailer so we could get out of the hospital and take a break. Ryan had finally gone back to work that day. I couldn't call him, so James drove to the clinic to tell him. It was a selfish love that I wasn't ready to let go of. I wanted to keep her forever, she was my rock. She was tired though, and I know that she is my guardian angel now. I have to tell myself that everyday, especially on days like today! Mom, not a day goes by that I don't think of you! I thank you for being our special guardian angel, and I know that we keep you busy. I love you ALL the way around the world!

On a side note, I'm not a reader at all. However, one of mom's doctor's in Dallas suggested we read, Tuesday's With Morrie, by Mitch Albom. I read it every year and recommend you read it. It puts a whole new perspective on life. It deal with a man that has Lou Gehrig's and goes through the whole process, just as we did. A couple of other books by Mitch Albom are For One More Day and The Five People You Meet In Heaven. Remember I don't read, and I've read these books several times. You can even borrow them if you promise to return them!

Thanks for reading my blog, and if you get anything from this, please don't take life for granted. Live as if each day is your last, you never know when it may be your last!